walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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