just tell him i said nine months
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
