No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
