i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
