Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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