guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
