The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize