I just saw a hot homeless man
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
