i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
