did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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