i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Im part way to drunk.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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