somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
