my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
is wine microwaveable?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
