I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
