you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
