Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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