I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize