I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
