Soap is not a condiment
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
