i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
