Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
