you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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