I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
