I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
