Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
