If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
