we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
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