he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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