Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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