it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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