tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
