they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
