if you like me you must not know who I am
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize