you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
