Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
