Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
