I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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