this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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