I don't usually arrange sex via text message
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
