Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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