you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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