Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
