mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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