I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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