There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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