Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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