There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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