guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
