so let's talk penis.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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