i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
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