the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
You have to summon your inner elephant
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I love you. Go after that dick
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
