dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
it glows. i had to have it.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
