I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
