oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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