Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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