Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Randomize
