He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
