why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
