you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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