Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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