well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
