I understand Curling. That high.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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